The fog of grief …

I am sitting at my desk trying to sort the mounds of paper that accumulated in the two years I have been helping my mother. The fog of grief prevents me from focusing on much more than just pitching old magazines, newspapers, and junk mail.

I’ve held off taking on new clients for my administrative consulting business, Robin’s Desktop. My responsibility was to my mother, and still my father as well. When she asked me to go with her to her doctor appointment the first time I knew things were changing, but I did not realize how it would go.

I started a new business, Robin’s Upcycle, at about the same time. It is still in the embryonic stage. I created some nice things. They are packed away. Only twice have I tried to sell any of them and that did not go well. But, I was becoming distracted with Mom and did not put my full measure of effort behind it.

Today my mind is jumping around like a jumping bean. I straightened up my room, put some clothes away. I mounted some battery powered lights in my closet. I hung a few pictures. I put away dishes, swept the kitchen and started dinner. I gathered the laundry and started the washer and dryer. I changed the shower curtain. I fed the dogs, cats, and birds. Facebook has been checked a couple times. The mail was brought in. At least one tall kitchen bag of trash has been removed from my desk.

I actually have a book started about taking care of mom over these couple years. I should be working on it, but I have no desire right now. I see the Thanksgiving advertisements and realize it is next week and I am not ready. I plan to cook. I want to cook. I love cooking for family even if I am not that great at it. But, my wheels spin.

I want to be away, in the mountains, away from people for a couple weeks. I wish I could do that. We have the RV but it isn’t up to the trip. Plus, I have obligations and end-of-year bookkeeping facing me. (sigh)