I was asked, several times actually, how I managed following my son’s suicide. My initial response was, “You just do.” Reflecting on that response, I think – no I know – there is a better answer.

I am not a very public Christian. I was baptized as a child. I attend Sunday service pretty regularly. I fail more than I succeed, but I keep trying to live the way I understand I should. I don’t quote a lot of Scripture to people. In fact, I basically understand the broader story, and struggle with the details of which book and chapter to find it. Finding my son put all my Christian practices into play, immediately.

After the Deputy Sheriff and Medical Examiner left, after the initial trauma turned to shock, after I got home and ran the sweeper, I called on G-d to give me strength. And He did. Sounds simple, doesn’t it. Well, it is and it isn’t.

G-d will help you, all have to do is ask. That’s the easy part. Just ask. That doesn’t mean he will do it all for you. That doesn’t mean He will make everything easy. That’s the hard part. It means He won’t leave you all alone, He will be there to help.

For me, G-d’s responses to my requests come in the form of a feeling, rather than audible comments. With this request, it was akin to the feeling you get when a friend comes along side you, places his hands on your corresponding shoulder (right/right: left/left) and stand silently, transferring a bit of their strength to you.

 

Tags: grief, prayer, suicide, survival